Something I hope I never have to do-Bury my children. No explanation necessary!
Showing posts with label 30 Days of Truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Days of Truth. Show all posts
Something you hope to do in your life-One thing I have always dreamed of doing is getting a Doctorate degree. I have always loved school, perhaps that is why I have two master's degrees. For some reason I have always wanted the title DR. before my name. I would love on in history or psychology which is what I teach but those are super hard subjects to get a PHd in. So I am leaning towards one in education. Realistically, it will have to wait until my children are older and I have time to go back to school. I hope this is something that my future holds, but with two kids and mortgage it is on the back burner for now.
Something I need to forgive someone for-So this one might be harder than my previous post. The person I need to forgive is my husband. Although he is very open about this part of his life, I am not but I probably should be. Almost two years ago my husband set into a very severe depression. It was bad...so bad that almost two years later I am not over it. Obviously he is doing much better or I would have never had a second child, but I am still dealing with how devastating his illness was to him and me and our family. When you get married you say for better or worse, but you never think a lot about what "for worse" can mean. For me it was almost 7 month of living with a shell of the person I loved, living in a house filled with anger, sadness, and despair. That entire time I would get up every day and wish things were better, go to work and pretend things were fine, and come home to my own private hell. I never told anyone, not my parents, not my best friend, no one. I pretended that life was fine hoping that if I pretended enough it would be true. Although we have come through this (with a lot of therapy for both of us) better people, parents, and a better couple I am still angry. I am angry for the loss of those months, the pain and the hurt that I had to live through. I know it is selfish of me to say because I know it was horrible for my hubby too. I of course love my hubby and am so proud of him for getting help and getting his head and heart where it needs to be, but I do have to forgive him so that I can begin to really deal with that part of our lives and put it behind us.
What do you have to figure yourself for:
I know this might sound harsh but I need to forgive myself for getting fat again. Several years ago about a year and half before I got married I lost a ton of weight (about 70 Pounds to be exact) and then after my wedding spent the next two and half years slowly gaining about 45 of that back. Then I got pregnant and went on a nine month bender. After that I was the heaviest I had been in my whole life and it took me two years to loose that weight but I was still almost 50 pounds heavier, then came baby number two. That puts me to somewhere in the 80 plus pounds to loose mark. I have to forgive myself because everyday I wake up, look in the mirror and get upset at what I allowed to happen to my body. I think that the sooner I forgive myself the quicker I will be able to feel good in my own skin again.
Name something you like about yourself.......
This has always been a harder thing for me to do. So here are a few things that I am proud of
* My sense of humor. Although my husband insists Im not as funny as I think I am, I think I'm pretty darn funny
* I love my laugh..it isn't a dainty lady laugh it is a loud (probably annoying to some) full body laugh and I do it often
*I love that I give my all to my job and I really love it and my students. I love that I am that person that wakes up everyday excited to go to work and even on the bad days can't imagine doing anything else.
...hmmmm maybe that was easier then I thought
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Ok so I could totally take the easy way out and say my weight but that is an easy choice, I don't know many women who are happy with that aspect of their lives. The thing that I hate most about myself is my need to be liked. This quality has hurt not only me but the other people around me. I worry a lot about what people think of me and wanting to be liked. There have been numerous times in my life that I haven't said what I wanted to, not done what I wanted to because I was scared that someone or a group of someones wouldn't like what I said. I have spent way to much time worry about what someone thought of me or my actions. This has also hurt the people around me because my poor husband has to listen to me be consumed by my own insecurities and I also feel that when I am so worried about what other people think I am not making myself a happy person, the best person I can be for my children. Thankfully, I am working really hard on starting to break away from these tendencies and not spend so much of my life consumed with being liked by others and focusing on being liked by the only person who matters....me
