So although I have been working my weight loss program for a few weeks sadly I am not that skinny bitch I really want to be.  Tonight while trying no clothes (I am currently doing GwynnieBee) and I caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror.  Typically, I just look at myself at the floor length mirror at the end of the hall in my house.  But I got a real good look.....maybe good isn't the word to use.  

What is interesting is this wasn't one of those self hatred moments....mostly it made me sad.  It made me upset that I have let me body get to this point.  I know exactly where that 25 pounds I put on went.  It hit me in that moment just how big I have let myself get.  I have always been a big girl...no secret there.  But I am the same size I was after I had both my kids....I am sad that I have not taken care of myself and this is the result.

It was also highly motivating.  It made me realize there just can't be anymore BS.  For the most party I have tracked every point and need to get back to adding in regular exercise.  Although most days I walk at least 10,000 steps I need to do more not only for stress management but to get this weight off.  I don't have to do anything radical just do something.

I won't lie I am sad....not the usual I hate myself.  Just more taking that feeling in and realizing I need to change.  I also promised myself to give the new weight watchers program my all.  For another 47 weeks since I am one week five now.  Its not running a marathon it is sticking to a plan to help myself.  Otherwise I may need to consider other option because what I saw in the mirror was the one thing I can't afford to be and that is unhealthy.  I no longer have the luxury of saying.....well my parents are fat but they are healthy.  I don't get that anymore-I get a parent who died at 64....that right there my friends is some serious shit that needs to be dealth with.

So yes, I am a bummed and sad-but sometimes I think we need reality to bitch slap us across the face to motivate us.  

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