A few months ago I read the book "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society" for the Moms Reading Book Club  (on facebook not real life book club) book.  Although I was unable to participate in the book club discussion due to my father's passing it was a great read.  For all intent and purpose the Moms Reading club has yet to steer me wrong!

This was a great book about life on a small British Island during WWII.  Although I was personally fascinated by the historical aspects of this book, this is much more than a historical piece.  The book was made up entirely of letters between the main character and other characters in the book.  Not only did we get a glimpse of the hardship of life in Britain but we got to see inside the lives of several different characters.  As I have stated in several of my book reviews before I am always drawn to characters and character development in a book.  In this book it wasn't just the main character who we saw grown and change, we saw the development and growth of multiple secondary characters as well.  There were several smaller stories interwoven among the larger story line.   Yet, the book keeps coming back to the goodness and love that these island people had for one another during their German occupation and its aftermath.  

At first I was a little concerned about how would the book play out considering it was all several letters that were written back and forth.  I thought that there wouldn't be a good story line with the book written that way.  I was pleasantly surprised at how well the story developed throughout the course of letters back and forth between characters.  

For anyone who is looking for a good lighter historical fiction book this is a a good read.  I would give it 4.5/5 starts.  

*This post contains affiliate links
So for those parents of school age children there is always the wonder of when the magic of Christmas is going to fade as their children get older.  I honestly haven't given the whole Santa thing much thought.  Here in the Hunt household we have been going through the motions these days.  We also have made a point of not making too big of a deal about Santa and gifts as we discovered our oldest gets really anxious about upsetting Santa and he is a good boy and I don't want him freaked out about Santa.  

Anywho, a friend posted on Facebook about how her son was defending that Santa was real to his friends at school (who also happen to be at the same school as my kiddos).  I instantly got upset.  What if someone at school was telling my son that Santa wasn't real.  It sort of broke me to think that my son would have one more part of his innocence stolen this year.  So I didn't bring it up to him and we talked about the excitement of the season.  

Master D had asked for a special gift from Santa that Papa Hunt and I couldn't find anywhere.  I mean we had his aunts and uncles in three states looking at five different retail stores to find this thing.  We had even told him that he wasn't getting it for the holiday.  He told us well maybe Santa could get it for him.  We were sweating it-we had the back up gift ready.  Well just to our luck we found this sought after gift back in stock three days before the holiday and had it express delivered to the house. 

Well on Christmas Morning when he came out to see the gifts carefully placed where Santa always leaves his gifts and books he says out loud "Santa is Real-I knew it"  It made me so happy to know that this moment for him was pure joy-Pure childhood innocence.  This was the magic of christmas at its core.  

When I asked him later about saying this he said friends at school said that Santa wasn't real that it was just parents giving gifts. Master Dy then said-you couldn't get that present and only Santa could have gotten it here.  I knew he was real.  

For me this was just what I needed.  I needed to know that despite our sadness that Christmas was still about the joy and wonder of the season.  That no matter how sad we were the magic of the season shinned through in this moments and many others these past few weeks.  

I hope for all of you the holiday was filled with these little moments of holiday magic as well.   

I know it has been a long time since I have posted.  I guess after posting about my dad it seemed odd to post some book review or talk about inane little things.  In a way little things is all I can talk about.  We are getting by here in the hunt house hold but it hasn't been easy that is for sure.  My own grief seems overwhelming but add to that having to deal with my children's grief and loss.  Its a lot.  At the end of the day I feel like I have run a marathon.  Today-the day after Christmas I feel like I got hit but a truck.  I never realized how just getting through a day would take so much effort. Now please readers don't take this in a I am depressed sort of thing-it is just there is so much emotion and memory tied to the holiday season and add to that the loss of my dad and its overwhelming emotionally.  I am planing on using my vacation this year for some quiet time with my kids and husband and just sort of take some me time.  To get some rest-both actual and emotional.  Teaching is like putting on a show everyday-trying to do it when I am not 100 percent is exhausting.  

I wanted to thank everyone both in real life and not for their kind words, gifts of love and prayers, and actual gifts these last few weeks.  It has made what has been the hardest two months of my life just a little easier.  So thank you.

So I am going to leave you with one of best Christmas songs ever (I have always felt this way when the song is done right).  Judy Garland sings this song the way it is meant to be-its not a happy song. Its a song of hope and promise of years to come because this year isn't really that great.  

So to you and your family-I hope your holidays were amazing and if they weren't-I hope next year all your troubles will be miles away.....so Have Your Self a Merry Little Christmas

I have always been a daydreamer my whole life.  My dad and I used to joke that on the 45 minute ride to Newington my first year working when I would ride in with my dad that neither of us spoke because we were too busy daydreaming.  About a month ago I was thinking of a friend at work whose brother had died and I began to daydream about my worst nightmare (other than something happening to my husband or kids) was my dad dying.  I started to think about what it would be like to have to deal with that kind of loss...I quickly pushed it out of my head as morbid and something not ever worth thinking about.  Little did I know that my nightmare would become reality in less than a week.  

On the 20th I happened to hear my phone buzz on my desk while my student teacher was teaching to see a text from my mom saying my dad had collapsed and he was being taken to the hospital.  I quickly called her and realized that this was no fucking joke...that it didn't look good and my mom clearly was scared and used the word...unresponsive.  Thankfully my friend Gina drove me the hour to the hospital and I will forever be thankful that she was there for me in that moment.  Gina dropped me at the emergency exit and when I asked at the desk about my dad...I knew it wasn't good when they had my name on a list and quickly escorted me to the back....then my world crumbled when I saw that I was being taken to the hospital chapel.  All I remember was crying and yelling that I didn't want to go in the fucking chapel....I just said over and over again that I didn't want to go in there....I knew what that meant.

Apparently after spending the morning shooting with his best friend he slumped over in the car while talking on the way out of the club.  His friend quickly turned around and at the club a male nurse started CPR immediately.  Despite his efforts and the EMT's and the dr's there was nothing they could do.  My father was gone in an instant.  A am oddly comforted that he wasn't in pain, that he never knew it was coming, that he was gone in a flash.  The emergency doctor said based on how he presented it was most likely an aneurysm...they asked if I wanted an autopsy done.  For me...the why no longer mattered just that he was gone.  

The rest of the next days are still sort of a blur......I remember living them but I swear that I didn't breath for days.  There are still some days I don't.  I can honestly say I have lived a privileged life that I have never experienced a loss like this in my life.  The gravity of this loss I can't even being to put into words.  There are no words for it.

I know I spoke at my father's funeral and I sort of rehearsed what I said about my dad but I honestly don't remember what I said.  I just know I wanted everyone there to know just want I want everyone who reads this to know. 

I HAD THE BEST DAD ....I did.  I was one lucky girl.  I had a dad who loved me.  Endlessly every moment of my life.  The only thing my father loved more than me was my children which made me love him even more.  The loss of that kind of love is immeasurable.  

I am a devastated mess.  I cry ever day on my way to work...I cry when my kids say they miss my dad.  Or like tonight I weep as my daughter asks me why grandpa can't come back.  The only thing worse than my own loss is to the loss that my kids are suffering.  I can't even address how devastated my mom is.  I am usually one to pretend I am ok....but I promised myself I wouldn't bottle this up. Pretend I am ok-please.  I am not fucking ok.....I am so far from ok I don't even know where the land of ok is.  I get up every day because I have to go to work and have a family who needs to me.  All I want to do is sit around and have a pity party.  Some days I do have one.  For those people in my real life who read this...please know I need you-Even on the good days I am hanging on by a thread.  I know this is part of the grieving process....doesn't make it suck any less.

I think what is also overwhelming is I have several friends and coworkers, and shockingly several students and former students who all lost parents at a much younger age then me.  I don't know how they did it.  How they managed to continue to function.  To be "normal".  The thought of how hard it must have been for them...and maybe still is.  Yet, it is also good to know that there is another side of this.  One where this hurt-the hole in my life won't seem so big-so insurmountable.  

Yet...I know what I have to do.  That is one foot in front of the other.  That is exactly what my dad would have wanted.  My father always said his biggest fear was dying a slow death or becoming an old falling apart man in a nursing home.  I take solace in knowing that he lived the last years of his life doing what he loved.   I know he would argue with god about the time frame and missing out on seeing his grandkids grow up.  I know he wouldn't want us to be sad for him...this is what he wanted.  So I will try and remember that in those moments where the loss of him takes my breath away.

I have realized through this that I am a lucky girl.  I know the reason this hurts so bad is because I did have such an amazing dad.  I know some many people who didn't have the kind of dad I did.  They weren't loved the way I was....for that I will be grateful everyday of my life.  My dad loved me and I loved him....there is nothing left to say other than that.  

I loved him and he loved me....and that will never change

My dad and my kids on their picture day before he took them to school-4 days before he died


About a week ago in the mail I got a great daily devotional bible for women.  First and foremost this book is absolutely beautiful.  I actually went and sat down to read it and didn't realize that it was for 2015 (despite the fact that it says so on the cover).  Unlike the other devotional that I bought myself it has the verses that you will be reading with the discussion right on the page.  For me who isn't that familiar with reading the bible it made it easier then locating verses in the bible itself and then reading the talking points.  
The Beautiful Leather Cover of the book

Here is a  sample page.  For every day there is the actual scripture and then some reflection points.  What I like is that they are short but also what is written is very easy to understand.  I actually had contemplated starting reading it out of order because I was looking for some guidance in these days of figuring things out with the death of my father.  Then I realized that it is geared to specific times of year so I guess I will have to wait...which is the only thing I didn't like about this devotional.
Inside of the book-Notice it is set up for a daily reading with scripture as well as talking points for everyday

So for anyone who is looking for some daily religious readings or to get more in touch with their spiritual side I would encourage them to pick this up.  For such a lovely looking book the price point is very reasonable at well under 20.00.  This might make a lovely Christmas gift for those who enjoy a more religious gift at the holiday season.  I would highly recommend this item.

*Disclaimer I recieved this item free in exchange for an honest review of the product

Those of you who know me in real life or online know that my father passed away very unexpectedly two weeks ago tomorrow.  I am still in shock as is my whole family.  My father, my love for him, and how I am doing is certainly worth a post on this little place of mine.  I am just not ready to put those feelings into words...or perhaps I don't know how yet.  I have a couple of obligation posts that I will get on here but expect a lot of silence on here as I try and figure out how I do more than just put one foot in front of the other for now.  For those who already know thank your love and kind words these last few days!


So although the kids have been having slight fevers on and off for the last few days I ventured out with Josie to find a dress for our upcoming photos this weekend.  I know my lady if she doesn't like her outfit there is no way no how she is going to wear it.  So we did a little grocery shopping then headed over to the local department store to use my 20% off coupon and get an outfit.  Now of course this retailer had their frozen merchandise out in full force so there was a good 20 minutes of "Mom Look at this" 'Oh mom look at this dress" "Mom there is Frozen stuff everywhere".  So I went with best possible-I had her pick out a frozen outfit then had her set her sites on a holiday dress.  She was very specific going in.  She wanted a red and green dress with either silver or gold in it.  Well shockingly we found out.  I loved another one better, but the little lady liked another one-that was green and red with gold in it.  So we like that one and a second stunning sweater dress with black designs that will be perfect for Thanksgiving and picture day at school which is also this week! Here is a picture of that dress

Well my little lady tries on her dress and begins talking about how wonderful the dress it.  That it is perfect to twirl in.  Fancy enough for the photos. Then she takes one look in the mirror and with a huge smile on her face she says "I look Gorgeous".  That was it with a little tear in my eye-"Yes you do baby and we will buy that dress and find your brother a shirt to match".

It made me so happy.  I hope that self confidence-that feeling of just being perfect in a pretty dress never goes away.  That is something I have always wanted for my little lady and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that never goes away.  I wont ever be the mother who we heard prior to heading into the dressing room tell her daughter "you have a little belly on you we will need a bigger size".  I almost took that mother out for her kid in the store.  I just don't want that feeling to ever go away.  

If it means I keep taking her to the store to buy fancy party dresses that she loves to wear-even when its not a fancy occasion-then so be it.  If my little girl feels wonderful then that is all that matters!!!!!!

Here is a picture of the Gorgeous Girl!  She does look cute doesn't she!

SSever SeverS                     sdafakd


Several months ago before I put my blog on hiatus for family reasons I received this great book for my daughter.  It is a series of daily stores and bible versus for children.  The stores are written so that they are very relatable to children and also have the bible versus and an explanation of the verse.  Now I was a little skeptical at first because lets be honest what kid is really into reading bible verses-none (or almost none).  Well this book was a lovely surprise.  The book is written to appeal to the princesses, which my little lady certainly is.  The book has a variety of stories and morals to learn through the bible verses.  It was very creative, with super cute photos, and very appealing to my little lady.  Miss J is only four so some of these went over her head but a lot of the stories were really on point for a young child.  I though this was a great way to introduce some of the positive teachings of the bible to a young child.  Although we are religious and attend church we are not a family that reads the bible regularly or is involved in daily bible study.  This I thought was a nice way to introduce faith and the bible to my young daughter who is not yet attending religious education.

I think this would make a nice gift for the upcoming holidays or for any girl who is making her first communion soon.  I also think that it bares pointing out that this book is appropriate for various Christian faiths.  For example the author of the book and my religion are not the same but I felt the book was a great fit.  My only complaint is that as of when they sent me the book a few months ago they did not have a boy version.
As regular readers may have noticed I have been posting but not a lot about my weight. There are a few reasons for that.  Mainly it is because there is nothing to report.  I am not loosing weight or gaining weight I am just hovering within the same ten pounds give for take for the last six months or so.  Sometimes it pisses me off, sometimes I don't care.  At the end of last school year and the start of this one I have been very blah about my weight loss.  Not that I am blah about knowing I need to loose weight just not mentally there.  I have been going to weight watchers with a dear friend because we both need the support, but I haven't gone in two months.  Sometimes because soccer, dance, and ccd on Saturday Am's makes it tough but sometimes because I am not into it.  For me, I just needed to get my head right.  I was really negative about everything-including my weight.  I needed some time to start feeling better.  I have been putting an effort into feeling confident in my clothes and my own skin and I have been coming a long way lately.  I also know my binge eating has come back with a vengeance and if I am not careful getting crazy with weight watchers makes that even worse.  Yet, no excuses I am not loosing weight because I am not working at it right now.

Now back to this place.  I have said a lot of times I missed this place.  I missed the comfort of posting here brings to me.  Both the reviews of products and books (I just got an awesome children's book in to review today).  I like that this place gives me something to be other than just Mama Hunt or Mrs. Hunt.   Yet I was staying away because I felt I should be posting about my weight loss journey and I didn't want to because there wasn't one.  I know bloggers step away from their blogs all them time...but it wasn't like I wanted to.  I was feeling the pressure to post about things that were not my focus then I realized something.  HELLOOOOOOO this is my blog. First of all I am not a brand or some famous person.  This is my place...so who cares.

So there is the update.....I don't think I am going to talk about my weight loss here.  I may give updates occasionally but maybe not.  Just like being a mom isn't the only aspect of my life...neither is weight loss or weight gain.

Do any of you who blog feel like you get pigeonholed into talking about certain topics??


About a week ago I got an email from the good folks over at Cluck-n-Moo.  After I looked into their product and reviewed that they are one of the good guys in the food movement I couldn't wait to work with them.  Their product is a combo of ground chicken and ground beef.  The animals were grass fed (beef) and were antibiotic and hormone free.  They sent me four patties to try but I decided to create a new recipe instead of just using the burgers as is.  

So below is my recipe for Veggie Loaded Meatloaf.
All the ingredients:  One Pound Cluck-n-Moo, one pound ground pork, two large peppers, three tomatoes (one is hidden behind the Cluck-n-Moo, a large onion, garlic, BBQ sauce, ketchup, and bread crumbs.  All veggies except the onion are from my garden.

Step One:  Chop all the Veggies up and then add them to the meat in a large bowl 

All veggies chopped 
Step Two:  Next add in about a half cup of breadcrumbs and the egg.
Add it all in the bowl (use ketchup and BBQ to your personal taste-for me its a lot!)
Step Three:  Mix it all together
All mixed in
Step Four: Add it to a big-ole-pan and cook at 375 till meat is cooked through
Finished product 

Cooked meatloaf with Brussel Sprouts and Sweet Potato  Fries 

Overall I loved the Cluck-n-moo product.  It had a great flavor but it was also a moist meat which made it great from the meatloaf.  This is a nice way to have a healthier option then just regular beef but without loosing the great flavor of using just grass fed beef.  

So next time you are at the market keep an eye out for Cluck-n-Moo at your local store.  If you are wondering if Cluck-n-Moo is in your area check out their website here and type in your zip code.

Also thank you to the Cluck-N-Moo folks for giving me a sample of their product to try for free and to write my thoughts on their product.  


One of the last books I picked up over the summer was The Book Thief.  I had noticed that several of my friends were reading and suggested it as a good read.  It also made a few lists of the books you need to read before you watch them.  I am so glad I did this is one of the best books I have read in the last few years and I would recommend it to anyone.

One of the best aspects of this book was the unique points of view. The entire book was written from the point of view of death.  It was interesting to think about and see what death would be like if they were a person and their take on what it means to usher someone from this life to the next.  In addition to the unique viewpoint of the book that characters in this novel were amazing.  Anyone who has read my reviews knows that I am big on the characters in the book.  Not only in this book was a immediately attached to the main character Liesle but the secondary characters as well.  I was drawn not only to the relationships between the characters I was drawn to them individually.  I can honestly say in the sadder moments of the books I openly wept.  One of my favorite characters was that of Liesle's best friend and almost boyfriend Rudy.  He reminded me of many of the boys that have drifted through my life over the years and I wanted so much more for him.

I think it also is worth noting that the basic story of this book, which is told during the holocaust, has been told a 1000 different ways.  Being a history buff I have read countless accounts, novels, memoirs of the holocaust .  To me this novel brings a whole new feel to the story not only with the character work and storyline but again the book being told from the point of view of death was key.  There was something breathtaking about hearing death describe his work during those most tragic of events during the holocaust.

To me this was a must read I would encourage anyone to read it.  This was definitely a 5 out of 5

Ok so this post is totally going to be rambling one that is more for me to vent then anything else.  I won’t go into too many details because I don’t want to talk about the details too much.

So here is a little background.  I have a good friend (One who is much younger than me) who I found out is having their first child.  Since they are younger and not exactly ready to have a baby (lets be honest no one is really ready) I have really tried to be supportive and a cheerleader for my friend as they start this huge life event.  I know personally how hard motherhood was when I was 26, married, and financially settled.  I really decided I wanted to be a support for them since I know that good support in their life is often non-existent. 

Well I found out randomly though the grape vine that perhaps what I just assumed was an unplanned (yet always welcomed) baby might have been actually planned.  My first reaction was outrage followed by need to know.  This friend was not prepared job, housing, or even medically (no pre prenatal care or drs visits) to have a child.  Then my reaction was I wanted to know if this was true.  I wanted to know because I felt sort of foolish that I was so worried about this friend and their fiancĂ©.  If this was something that was planned and had I known that I might have done things differently-or felt differently.

Then my husband-the one who brings me clarity and sanity looks at me and says. “Its not your f-ing business, and it doesn’t change the end-X is having a baby and you will still be there”  Then it hit me, he was right (despite how much I hate to admit that). 

This was none of my business; I would never ask the friend that is my age that question.  I also know it wouldn’t change the fact that I know my friend needs me for this big moment in their life and that even when planned parenthood is a crazy ride that you need all hands on deck for.  Because I know that our friendship often has a mother/child feel to it there is that part of me that still wants to know.  I think so I could be mad…. or maybe even more sad and worried then I am for them. 

I don’t want anyone reading this thinking I am saying my friend won’t be a good parent…of course they will.  They are excited to be welcoming this child into the world and doing everything they need to.  I think it is just the experience of knowing what it takes to raise a child when you have a good job, and a place to live, and financial security-I can’t imagine doing with without all of those things. 

Yet, then again as my hubby reminded me that is not my business.  It goes back to a post a made a long time ago. By being upset, by wanting to know, in a way I am judging them.  I am judging their choice.  Lets be honest here…in today’s day and age both consciously choosing to have a child and not using protection to prevent having a child is really not that different.  This friend has been through a lot in their life and I can honestly say has lived more of a “life” at their younger age then I have at mine.  Maybe this needs to be a case where I just follow my original gut instinct, the one I had when I found out this friend was expecting and that was to support them no matter what

In the end the truth is sort of irrelevant because come holiday time there will be a beautiful new baby to love and spoil.  A wee one whose mom and dad will still need a helping hand as all-new parents do…. and an occasional baby sitter who will steal that cute baby for snuggles!  I can’t wait for the baby snuggles…. because in the end it won’t matter whom they got here…just that they are here. So yeah...I guess the truth really  isn't  that important

My classroom during the getting ready phase
I know it has been forever since I have blogged.  The start of the school year is always a transition for me.  Plus this year I am taking on my first student teacher and that has also been a bit of a transition. 

Other than the cramping my summer style of reading, lounging, and hanging with the kids-the transition has been a good one. Both for the kids and me.  I have really been working to maintain a positive attitude.  So far so good.

The kids have also been doing well.  I have seen Master D’s anxiety flaring up a little bit but he likes his teacher and has good friends in the class.  Miss J also has done well considering her teacher (Pre-k has the same teacher for two years) is out on maternity leave and she absolutely loves her.  Papa Hunt has been doing well, although he is overwhelmed with his graduate schoolwork. 

I think for any family the transition back to school is always tough.  Much more structure and a lot less free time.  For a two-teacher family that transition is magnified by 100!

Now that I am starting to get back into the grove I am hoping to be posting a little bit more around here.  I finished up some really great books this summer and have had lots going on both personally and professionally that I always think…gosh I want to write about this-yet haven’t had the time to do so.
The kiddos on the first day
How we all felt on the end of the first week

Ok so I am sure a lot of people are like what the hell with this title so let me just get right to it.  Last school year was shit....plain and simple.  I have spent a lot of time this summer reflecting on what exactly made this school year so bad and how can I fix that for this coming one.  I am not stupid I know some of the stress and crappy stuff I can not fix and just have to deal with.  Yet, there are things that made last school year bad that I could have handled differently etc.  Then last week I realized a former co-worker not someone I considered a dear friend but someone I was friendly with had unfriended me.  Now lets be real here, I work in high school I am not in high school.  I am under no dilution that we all are BFF's for life and bull like that.  Yet it stung.  That person unfriending me stung.

Now at first I thought this was because I have a constant need to be liked...so I figured that was why I was upset.  But when I was sitting (technically driving) I realized why it stung.  I think perhaps this was deserved.  Now I don't believe I did anything mean, bad, awful to this person but I don't think I was not the best person I could be...which leads me back to how this ties into my reflections of the last school year.

I have always liked to be like....I am just that girl.  I am a good girl who hates people mad at me, upset with me, not liking me etc.  Spent shit loads (yes that is a real quantity by the way...slightly more then a ton...yet not a zillion) of time in therapy to deal with this have to liked-shouldn't be a fake me so people like me stuff.  I like to be social.  Where my husband is an introvert.  I am extrovert (a very shy extrovert, but an extrovert nonetheless).  I want to be part of the group.  I want to be social.  I want to be friends with everyone (Yes I know that is unrealistic-Hence the shit load of therapy people).

If I am being honest this often leads me to be gossipy. Not the gossip, talking shit behind people's back, gossip.  I just always like to know what is going on, what everyone is up to, etc.  I would never say something behind someone's back I wouldn't say to their face (believe me I have had to own up to this a few times recently).   I think by indulging in gossipy behavior it also lead to drama.  I am hearing about drama, I am talking about drama, I get wrapped up in it.  This drama can be between coworkers, someone issues at home, issues with the boss/es (I use drama to cover a wide range of topics here)

It sort of hit me...that shit-that drama.  Is none of my damn business.  There is no reason for me-even if I am not directly talking about it-that I should even be sitting in listening to it.  There is no reason.  I get sucked into shit that isn't my concern and at the end of the day it is not flattering to me or is not leading me to being who I want to be.  Often being around drama and getting involved even in a cursory way is exhausting.  Who I want to be is a good friend, a kind co worker-someone who is always respected as a professional.  Now those of you who don't work with-Please don't think I am sitting around slinging shit talk.  I am not.  I am just allowing me to get sucked into common work place gossip and the pissing and moaning of a horrendous school year.

The other part of my reflection on this past school year is this....if you take out the drama- my school year was great.  I had great students, did an amazing job navigating through horrendous changes at my job, and kept my head above water.  Where I started to sink was I allowed this drama to take me down.  Drama for me at work is that work place gossip, allowing other people's issues now become my own, and taking on on other people's stuff.  This summer I have realized that I can be a good co-worker and a good friend without taking on others burdens, issues, stuff as my own.  I can be supportive to the people I work with, lend an ear or a shoulder for support, but then realize that this is not my issue or my burden to carry. I can still fight for what I believe in but not allow myself to get to dismayed over the daily negativity and let downs that is teaching today

Teaching today is hard.  Being a mom is hard.  Being a good friend and person is hard.  My reflections have led me to realize that some of what I have done this year, and not done this past year made this past year so shitty.  It makes me realize what I need to do for the new school year.  So since I love a good list here it is.

I can make sure that I spend my time at work enjoying my co-workers and friends (because many of them I consider both) company but not allow myself to get concerned/wrapped up in things that are not be business.  I will enjoy my relationships at work for what they are....what I mean is I have friends at work (I hang out with them outside of school and they are big parts of life) I have work friends (people who I care about, know a lot about their lives and enjoy their company but other than social media we don't really interact much outside of work) and coworkers.  These are three separate groups of people who all play an important role in my life....and I need to "know my roll".  Ok-so I didn't say what I really meant :-)  I just mean that I need to not worry less about what the hell everyone else is up to, talking about, doing and focus on me and my life.  This is not meant in a callous way but in a way that makes me realize I do not need to be so concerned with the who what where when and drama about everyone and every thing at work.

Well now that I wrote a whole huge post and everyone thinks that I am a gossipy bitch who isn't going to talk to anyone anymore :-0!  This was a post that was more for me than anyone else.  It was a post about taking responsibility for a shitty year.  It was for me to acknowledge that even though I had spent a long time working on certain behaviors that I allowed myself to fall into old patterns of caring too much what others thought about me, my constant need to fit in, and allowed those thoughts to run the show.  I allowed my true self the one, I want the world to see, to be covered up by being someone I wasn't proud of.

Now, back to that unfriending thingy.  Let me be honest, I know that this was a person who was only in my life for a brief snip it for time.  Although I am sad they were clearly upset by something I did I am sort of glad it happened.  That allowed me to really sit and think about this past school year and really evaluate if I made the best choices for myself as I could...and clearly that was a no.

Here is hoping to better choices and a much better, happier, and healthier new school year.  2014-2015 school year here I come!
There have been a ton of articles and posts recently about Robin Williams death.  A few last night and today have caught my eye.  Last night I read an amazing post by Liz over at Prior Fat Girl  and especially this article that I saw on Facebook this am http://www.tomclempson.com/2014/08/robin-williams-did-not-die-from-suicide/ .  If you haven't read this one yet, its short go read it.

So as soon as I saw the title on Facebook-Robin Williams didn't die of suicide I knew where he was going.  It was going to the place my mind did as soon as I heard the news he died last night.  It was news that was hard for me and my husband to hear.  It was news that was so sad and tragic but we got it.  To most people it is hard to understand Depression.  It is hard to understand how someone who was so funny, who had such a big bubbly personality, a comedian no less, could be Depressed.  Yet in this house we got it.  I heard a few people online talking about the "darkness" of depression.  I think that might be the best way to describe this illness.  Just darkness.  Just like when the sun sets at night that darkness starts out just at the farthest point of the horizon and before long the darkness engulfs the whole sky till the next morning when the sun breaks through.  Sadly for those who battle depression a lot of their life seems like you are waiting for the sun to rise and it never does.

Perhaps I need to be a little less metaphorical here.  As many of you know, if you haven't you will now. Papa Hunt has Depression. The kind that doesn't go away even when you really want it to.  The kind that doesn't care if you have a great job, a house, and the perfect family.  It only goes away with hard fucking work and medication.  When Papa Hunt's depression was it its worse I bet most people never knew.  His co-workers did not know, his students didn't know, his family didn't know, and his friends didn't know.  Why-becuase he and I covered it up.  Depression isn't something that means you are crying and on the floor and incapacitated.  For him it was going to work then coming home and not being able to function. It meant always being tried.  It meant huge mood changes.  Papa Hunt is loving, gentle, calm, and funny.  When his depression has set in-he is a mean asshole who can't get out of bed.  As much as I love him the times when he has been depressed there is no other words that to say he was a asshole.  I knew he was sick but it doesn't stop me from hating the person he was.  It took me (and him) a shitload of therapy to deal with how bad it got around her.

Thankfully he took the time to get help....a lot of hard work, good medicine, and learning how to live with his depression and things are good.  It doesn't mean that he doesn't work every day. It doesn't mean that we don't make sacrifices for that.  He needs a lot of sleep and down time to decompress to handle his stress.  Its hard sometimes.  Certain times things are harder to handle but it is always work.

It is hard to read about a famous man, beloved by so many, who that hard work became too much.  It is easy for us to understand this.  When you live it like my husband or you witness it up close like I have you realize just how this disease can sweep you up and the "darkness" can over take you.

Writing this is hard, reading abut Robin Williams is hard, seeing people's shocked reactions are hard.  Those who are shocked have not known anyone with serious depression-that is why they are shocked.  The people who are not shocked are the ones who know what a beast the "darkness" is.  

Its hard because for a brief moment I allow my head to go to that place that I often don't let it go.....how close was what happened to Robin Williams and his family to my life five years ago? Then reality hits-it was close and always will be.  We just need to make sure that we always work our asses off to keep the lights on in our house and keep the darkness out.

So I began reading this book to be part of my Mom's Reading Group over on Facebook.  I had read a great review of it in the New York Times book reviews as well as seeing it come up occasionally on Amazon.  I was able to snag it at a few bucks on Amazon's used books.  For those of you who love books like I do, being used on amazon is a good way to go.

So as I began the book I instantly loved it. Then again I am a huge historical fiction fan so what would not be to like about a book about the "Lost Generation".  I do love this time period and am endlessly fascinated by F Scott Fitzgerald.  This book takes a look into the life of both Ernest Hemingway and his wife Haddy.  It covers the store of how they met, the early good years of their marriage, and its ultimate end.  Although this book is about Hemingways' wife I found it was equal parts always about him. After reading this book, I can assume that is how it always was when they were together-all about him.  Now I loved the character development and the love story that was Ernest and Haddy.  I also really liked the look into how their marriage fell apart.  Most often stories of divorce are about the bitterness and finality of it, there was a lot of the book that was about them trying to figure out how to end their marriage.

A negative of this book was I was expecting something more from it. It got amazing reviews-I just sort of kept waiting for a big moment, something monumental.  That never happened. It doesn't mean that it takes away from the positives of the book it just means that if you are reading for this for a big shocking moment, a huge plot twist...this book doesn't have that.  Having finished this book a few weeks ago I am not more ok without that big moment then I was upon completion of it.  This was a solid read with great character insight and development.  I would give it 3 out of 5 stars....maybe 3 1/2 only because it didn't have that moment that I kept expecting.
As the summer is speeding on every teacher begins to panic once the calendar switches over to August.  For me its not a matter of looking at the calendar it is the signs that are popping up that indicated that summers coming to a close.  Here are the five ways I know summer is coming to a close.

1.  The school dreams start.  Ask any teacher and most of them tell you that we have back to school dreams, or nightmares.  For me they usually involved the setting up of my classroom and my new classes.  Some of them are good but more often than not I wake up in a cold sweat.

2.  Someone says "It must be so nice to have the whole summer off".  Yes I know to most people it seems like I have a ridiculously long summer vacation...and to be honest I do.  I also don't know that if I worked for the state or a business after 12 years I would definitely have a lot of time off that I could choose when I take it-which is not the case with school.  I am blessed to get the time off though

3.   I then have the deep need to punch said people who mentioned about my summer off in the face....ok not that severe  More I want to have them spend one month doing my job then discuss with me the length of my vacation.

4.  I get giddy at the site of the target school supply section.  I love the section with all the new school supplies.  I love stocking up on supplies for my room, the fresh promise of all those supplies, and the fact that I can fill up a whole cart for both that much money.

5.  That exciting feeling that waivers between wanting to puke and sweaty palms and sheer joy.  I love my job, I love the promise of the a new school year, and dread it all at the same time.  Every year is like the first day of high school when you are freshman....I am just 34 instead of 14.
My New Planner-To go with my new school supplies
As my blog title says I am just ME-A mom and much more!  So lets start with the most important part I am a mom.  I am a mom to two amazing kids.  Master D who is currently 7 years old and Miss J who is four years old.  I am also mommy to two fur children my rat terrier Olivia and my Dashchund mix Biscuit who were both adopted.  I am married to my college sweetheart Papa Hunt.  Although being a mom and wife are a huge part of my life there is more to me than that.  I am a high school history teacher who despite how hard it is-I love my job.  I am an avid reading and love to review books.  I also love crafting especially those involving my knitting needles and crochet hook.  Finally the last and probably least interesting part of me is a I am women who has struggled with her life weight her entire life and I am determined to overcome my binge eating and make my way to the best ME I can be.  Oh did I mention coffee...I also will be drinking a lot of coffee on my journey too!

PS-Check out my new signature!  Lets see if I remember to use it!

Day One of the building a better blog challenge has me thinking about how and what is this blog about.  You are suppose to think about how you would pitch/explain your blog to someone in a short amount of time.  I have spent a lot of time pissing and moaning about my weight and struggles but I felt I couldn't just write down that this blog is about my pissing and moaning.  I would then have to change the name of this blog to pissing and moaning etc.  So I spent some time brain storming what this blog is and come up with a tag line (something I could use in a signature to my posts-maybe I will have to learn how to create a signature).  Then to create and about me.  I swear I had an about me section of my blog but guess what....I don't.  So my next post o the blog is going to be my new about me post.  But I will leave you with my new tag line

ME-Mommy Etc
There is more to ME than being a Mom-that is just the most important part!

Ok so here is my attempt at getting back into blogging.  Perhaps it will inspire me to get back to this little hunk of the internet that I used to love.  I have been blogging more and I do like that.  I like that I have a place to write, and think out loud.  My hubs is not much for listening to my emo musings....so here is my place online.  So since it is only August 1st and this challenge and group runs thought the end of the month....why not join me?  Check out the course http://www.problogger.net/31dbbb-workbook/ and there is also a Facebook group that several of the mamavation ladies and I are in to help keep each other accountable and see what everyone else is doing.  Now my plan is to read the daily activities and do some one them as time permits but I thought it would be something fun to do to beef up my blog.

Have you every felt sort of stagnant with blogging?  If so maybe join me and lets so how this rolls out!
So ten years ago on July 10 I married my college sweetheart.  I was so young 24!  Looking back and giving advice to others I would say I was too young.  I wanted one thing for my wedding and that was to smile.  A few years prior I went to a wedding of a family friend and I remember thinking how happy the bride looked.  It was a miserable day, it poured, her dress got ruined, and she was so happy and had that big smile across her face.  I wanted that.  I didn't care about much else with my wedding I just wanted to be happy....and I was.  I thought that this was what marriage was going to be...one big happy moment after the next.  Sometimes it is.....these ten years have been filled with many amazing moments.  We have had four dogs, two house, and two beautiful children-doesn't get much happier than that.  It has also been hard...the kind of hard that those vows are about-In sickness and in health. If you had told that 24 year old girl in the picture below that within five years she would have a sick husband and a baby to care for and a job with a boss who was a nightmare-she would have laughed because that wasn't in her plans.  Well real life hit and you know what....I am a better woman for it.  We have a better marriage because of our struggles.  It hasn't been easier that is for sure....I know many lesser a person who would have called it quits and cut their losses.  That girl ten years ago thought that she couldn't love that boy more than she did on her wedding day.  Well she was wrong...I loved that boy more on the days my children were born and the day we moved into our current house or the day he let me adopt another dog....but i also loved him more on boring days too.  The days where he loves my neurotic moments when I obsess about money, on the days he tell me I am beautiful and doesn't care that I am not the skinny girl in that picture below anymore.  The days when he tells me I am good mom when I feel like the worst one on the planet. Its those days that I realize that is what real marriage is...a friendship-a an agreement to love even the faults that you find out years later-a willingness to forgive those flaws and not run away.

I often joke that marriage and being a mom is different then the broucher (you know the one where everyone smiles and looks perfect in them).  If you told that girl ten years ago that her life would not be the brocher that it wouldn't even come close she wouldn't have believed you....and that is ok because the girl I am now knows the real deal and she is more than fine with the life that wasn't in the broacher...sometimes the things not featured on the menu are the best! 

So I will leave with saying to my hubby (who by the way doesn't read this blog) Happy Ten years!

10 Year Anniversary selfie

Us at a wedding a few days after our ten year-Look at us matching!

Ok so no laughing here.  But since I said I was going to try and get back to being me.  Lets talk about me for a second.  If there are any men that read this blog...I don't think there are...but if so-please if you know me in real life stop reading this now....

Ok so now that you totally still reading.  There is no secret that I have big boobs. I mean at my thinnest ever weight since I was 14 which was the week before I got married I was 70 pounds thinner than I am now and I still had a d cup.  Well finding a comfy bra is a pain in the ass.  I got big girls, they need to be locked and loaded at all time (no plunging bra for this girl...the giggle alone would be awe inspiring).  I like them locked and loaded so that if you saw me you would never think my boobs are the size that they are.  So I have found a few good options at Lane Bryant.  Problem is I need a padded/fully lined bra.  Not padded as in adding to my boobs...seriously people not that padding when I was running I need two bras on).  I want padding so that should my classroom be cold (no not the AC-that doesn't really work, I mean for the winter when the head doesn't work on the vent blows in air from outside when it is below zero).   I do not, I repeat do not want my students to pay attention to me because my nipples are distracting them from the front of the room.  I am more comfortable knowing that my nipple will never be appearing on some snap chat, twitter feed, instagram with a hashtag saying #huntsnips.  

So I am sure you wondering where this is going.  Well below are two samples of my bras, the first one is my typical "model" and the second is strapless (which is a frigging medieval torture devise by the way).  Look how big those things are.  I even but a book there for size reference.

So here is the issue....where the hell do I put them?????I mean I can get like two maybe four at most in my indie drawer of my dresser.  I don't have the space to put them in a bigger drawer.  I mean my bras take up more room that my sweaters in the winter.  Should I ask Papa Hunt to build me a special holding cell for them?? Should I string them across the room??? I don't want my kids to mistake them for some new Angry Birds launcher or some shit like that.

Those of you in my situation....or those of you creative enough.  What should I do for storage of these bad boys?  Maybe I need to go on twitter with the hashtag #tittyprobs
Somewhere along the way I lost my mo-jo for blogging.  I don't think my heart has really been into since shortly after I finished up my stint as a Mamavation Mom just over a year go.  I think life sort of kicked my ass this year.  Look back at a lot of my posts its a lot of whining and bitching, and I also see a lot of covering up.  Not coming to this space to say what was really going on because...well there were a 1000's becauses.  In my last post I said how I am super busy with keeping up with the kids, working, and doing grad work.  I think also my hiatus has been about the 20 pounds I have put on since this time last year.  Also for a girl who has been back at weight watchers for a few months, you think that weight would be gone.  Well it for me it doesn't come off as easy as my ass puts it on.  I keep hiding and feel ashamed about this and should.  Because well....shit-I shouldn't feel bad.  

So I have been working on a lot of good self talk lately.  Something that was a theme in one my recent WW meetings.  That we should never say to ourselves what we wouldn't say to others.  We should treat ourselves with respect...that includes who we talk to ourselves as well as how we treat our bodies.  That got me thinking.  I have been making a lot of positive changes in my life.  I have been working out regularly, I have been eating better, and getting more sleep.  I need to cut myself some slack about why am I not loosing more weight...it is what it is.  I also need to not binge eat...why because I would never allow a friend to binge drink, or do drug if it was hurting them...so why do I allow that for myself.

Finally, I started to think about why this school year was so hard, why life at home was so hard.  It hit me...I was lost.  I was struggling with a new system that was judging me on the one thing that has always been a constant in my life that I knew I was good.  Now I was being judge...by a test...by my students performance if I was good at what I do.  I floundered because I sort of lost that stabilizing thing in my life that in my darkest moments I went back to.  I am good at this...then I must be ok.  Silly I know to have this one thing be my anchor.  As things got worse at work, my weight began to creep up and with every pound and every pair of pants that stopped feeling comfortable or even fitting I felt worst and more lost.  I am a good pretended...only those who really know me knew it was bad.  So that is actually why I went back to weight watchers.  To try and figure shit out.  Grab hold of something and get myself out of this feeling lost.  It has taken my April, May and a most of June to start to feel less lost.  This time at home with my family, reading, working on school stuff, challenging my brain in graduate class it has helped.  But I have missed my blogging.  This place that was mine.  That was an outlet for me-being me.  Hell that is the name of this friggin blog.  So I think I really want to come back here.  Yet, I also don't want to feel that pressure of this having to be "something"  its really not anything more that a diary that I am too lazy to handwrite.

So to those of you still reading this excessively long post....do you think that we as mother's get lost? Have you gotten lost?  What did you do to...I hate this expression "find yourself"

It has been a long time since I posted...It has taken me awhile to settle into my new summer routine as a stay at home mom.  I also some how managed to book all our appointments and three different camps for the kids in the first few weeks of the summer.  Add on to that that I am taking a graduate course and helping write curriculum for a new course I am teaching and swim lessons every night for the kids for the last two weeks.  So basically I have been busier than I was before the school year got out.

As far my health I didn't mention it before...no idea why but I sort of wanted to keep it quiet but I joined weight watchers just before April vacation.  I have been loosing and gaining the same five pounds and I am sort of sick of dicking around.  So recently I decided to try something else new to help stop by endless cycle of bullshit.  I decided to try the new Chalene Johnson PiYo video series and have been committed to tracking everything I am going to eat this includes my anniversary dinner and then a wedding we are going to this weekend.  I plan to do a separate post on what PiYo is all about soon.  Until then I am off to work on the above graduate class!  I hope all those who are still reading this very neglected mine are doing well!

Several months ago I finished a wonderful booked called "The Husband's Secret"  by Liane Moriarty as part of the Mom's Reading group on Facebook. This is a great little online book club for those of you like me who are dying to be part of a real life book club but don't know of any (hint anyone in my real life who reads this....if you do book club feel free to invite me).  I read this book and was instantly sucked in.  Mainly because I wanted to find out what the hell was going on.  The book begins by telling several characters stories.  Each person's story is one chapter and each chapter switches narrators.  With the switching not only did you get to know each character from their own perspective, you very quickly want to figure out how the hell everyone is connected.  The leading ladies range from a housewife who sells tupperwear and is living the dream, a woman who just found out that her husband wants to leave her for her childhood best friend, and an older woman who is still recovering from her daughters death many years earlier.  Sadly, I can't tell too much about the plot line of the of the book because it would give away major aspects of the story.  I think the figuring out how all these woman are connected is one of the better aspects of the book and I don't want to take that from anyone reading the book.

My only complaint of the book is small, is it the epilogue.  Oddly, it gives a commentary on the ending of the book and how things may have been different or why they happened.  I felt like it was unnecessary and almost like the stories lines the author didn't go with.  It didn't ruin anything, I just felt it wasn't needed.  I would highly recommend this book, especially with the summer months coming up.  This is a great little read.  I would go 4 out of 5 star rating.

Also if anyone is interested go check out the Mom's Reading Group on Facebook, the have book talks both in June and July.  I won't be participating in the June one but I am off to by the July one right now!