Showing posts with label Work Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work Stuff. Show all posts
So it has come to my attention that I may be a judgemental B.  I wish it wasn't true but I am starting to realize that I often judge people by just a few pieces of what I see about them.  I can't go into too many details because I am starting to realize that people in my real life actually read this blog but I will just give loose references to get my point across.

I know that I often judge people who have a lot of money.  I sneer at how they spend there money, think to myself how nice it must be for money to not matter and to be able to buy what ever it is your heart desires and not think about it.  I often judge and think that they do not live in the real world.  Yet if I am being honest, I am judging them because I am jealous.  I wish I could buy things like they do.  I wish I could live a lifestyle like that.  I am judging them for no other reason than jealousy.

Another example is political beliefs.  I am often admittedly to liberal for my own good.  I find myself casting a stink eye at those with a republican flair to them.  I often think how could a woman allow her rights to be taken away, how could someone not want to take care of those less fortunate in society.  Yet, in reality I am just unwilling to look deeply at my own beliefs and be willing to have them challenged by others

The final example is the one I will be most vague about.  I have cast a few unsightly judgements about some of the people I work with.  I often see how they interact with other people and cast judgements on them.  I know that recently I have done this a lot and I think it has to do with certain of my own insecurities.  I know that I am judging them not on my own personal knowledge of them but perhaps gossip or snap judgement by a few interactions I have seen them in. 

Well I was recently proven wrong and it has made me think that maybe I am a bit too judgemental.  I do think it is part of human nature to make judgments on people.  I just know that I am not happy with this aspect of myself.  I think that I need to stop getting wrapped up in gossip, my own insecurities/personal stuff, and snap judgements and really take a step back.  Take a moment in the case with the people I work with be sure I know the real them, in the case of the first two items to take a moment and think about why I feel the way I do.

I know this is a bit of rambling but it was something that I needed to get out and off my chest.  So what about all you judge others more than you should?
Momma Hunt
So of course no one likes to loose, not one likes to be rejected...especially me.  I am that person.  I was class president, I was prom queen, I graduated with honors, I have even gotten almost every job I have ever applied for.   Seriously, with the exception of weght loss I am usually very successful at things.  Well recently I was dealt a blow to my ego.  I was rejected from being a mentor teacher at my school (apparently my essay application was not strong enough and I am encouraged to work on them and apply again next year).  Now I know that my writing is a weak spot with me so in theory I am ok with this rejection.  Yet, it is still very hard to take.  It is hard to take and not deal with rejection the way I always have in the past.  By stuffing down that feeling with food.  I have been doing really well without mindlessly eating, but it has been hard. It has been hard to sit with the emotions that acompany not getting something that I really wanted and felt qualified for and see others be excepted.  This does not mean that I am one of those bitter people who hates the people that were selected (I don't because they are some of my dearest co-workers and greatly deserved to be chosen) it is just hard to know that you were not one of the "chosen ones".  So it has been about a week and half now and honestly I have decided something....its ok to be a loser.  Its ok not to always win.  As long as I take something away from this experience and move forward in a postive direction being a loser is ok with me.  Plus, I have a feeling that a lot us have been losers at some point in our lives and I am in good company! 
Momma Hunt
I don't do change, at least not without a fight.  Hence why despite how much I want to instantly live a healthy life I haven't yet.  For me change is scary, it causes me anxiety, and it gets me focused on something other than my goals of being a great healthy mom.  Recently there has been a lot of rumors swirling around at my job.  IF there are any glee watchers I felt the theme was fitting for my work situation.  Without giving a lot of details it looks like due to budget cuts my current boss is being moved (and I love her) and she may or may not be replaced at all and if so her possible replacements make me nervous because they do not really value my discipline.  I really love what I do, I am passionate about the subject that I teach and my students.  The thought of having a boss who does not value those same things makes me very uncomfortable.  I know that not all change is bad, that perhaps is an opportunity for me to step up and try to do more within my department.  Yet, change is scary.  I am one of those people that does not sit well with uncertainty and that usually leads to emotional eating.   I guess it is a good thing that the only thing I packed to day for lunch was veggies, fruit, and pretzels nothing to binge on in a 10 mile radius.  I know that tit will all work out but for now I am sitting her biting the crap out of my nails and a pen trying not to reach a full on freak out. 

On a healthy note though despite being so crazy and not having a change to go to the gym...I have taken the puppy on a minimum of 25-30 minute walk including several hills every day since Sunday.  Hey it may not be the gym but at least its something!