So this past week I have decided that now that my life has settled down a bit that it is time for me to get to work on some of my personal issues.  One of those issues is that I really want to be ok with myself image.  I am not saying that I want to become complacent with and stay at my current weight, that is not it at all.  I want to be ok with my body and self image regardless of size or number on the scale.  I need to work on this because if I am being honest, despite how thin I was pre babies, I wasn't happy at that weight either.  I have always wanted my body to be something other than what it was.  The only time I have loved my body was when I was pregnant because now my body had a purpose it was growing a life and I was proud of my body.  So I decided that this something that I need to begin working on.  Really beginning to take a good look at my self esteem issues.  It is not an easy thing to do.

I started to realize that I do not even look in the mirror anymore.  I look quickly to put on my make up.  I look quickly to make sure I don't look like an a-hole in my clothes, but I don't really look in the mirror.  Over the years I just stopped looking.  I stopped because I was always negative when I looked so I stopped that negative self talk but stopping looking.  I know this isn't good but it is reality.  So this past week I decided that I need to start looking at myself.  Stop and take a moment and really look.  The good, the bad, the lumpy...all of it.  To honestly look at myself.  I know that it will be hard.  It will be hard to see an image that I know I don't like.  Yet, I realize that the first step in accepting myself and image is to really look at myself.  So here goes starting today I will be spending some quality time looking in the mirror...Yikes!
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