So apparently I am a go big or go home kind of girl...yet I don't really think out if I would really be ok with going home.  So I had said previously that my goal was to run a 10k by the end of the summer.  Well I didn't realize that most 10K running programs suggest 12 weeks to bump from running 2.5 miles to the 6 needed.  Well hello I am not even doing a mile fully running right now and the race is 7 weeks away.  I am not giving up or quitting but I think I may change my race to the 5k with a goal of running it fully and with a decent time.  My new more realistic goal will be to run a 10k by the end of the school year.  I am a big girl and want to run long term so if I go to much to quick I am nervous I am going to injure myself.  As it is there are some runs that I need to have more than one day recovery for my calfs and ankles.  

It also makes me a little sad because my overall goal that I never really talked about was the run in the Hartford Marathon this October as a tribute to my dad.  I really wanted to cross that finish line.  I think it is more realistic to have the goal of a 10k by next spring then train for the half marathon over the summer.  Most half marathon training programs are 12-14 weeks.  

I often find I put so much pressure on myself to achieve (whatever that goal is) that I often get discouraged and quit.  Well not this time.  I don't think there is anything wrong with looking at my goals and saying....guess what its still a goal but just a different time frame. Sort of like my weight loss.  It doesn't have to happen over night...it just needs to happen!

So I will keep you all updated on my 5k training.  My last run I did 20 minutes without stopping and that was good but my time is still super slow.  Hoping that if I faithfully do the couch to 5k program I will get that time better than the last time I rushed the program!  Who else out there is training for something fun?

While waiting for the race to begin they brought the penguins out to meet the races and no lie this is the closest I have ever been to one it was amazing.  In fact as I was starting the race they had moved the penguins to the starting line so they would wish us all well on our 5k.  

I was a bit surprised once we started our run to find out this was not just a regular 5k it was a trail run…which I had not been expecting to say the least!  My time was about three minutes slower then I was anticipating but I wasn't counting on trails and huge hills either!  Rebecca was a sweetheart and ran wicked slow with me and talked to me the whole time-I had informed her ahead of time that I wouldn't be contributing much to the conversation since well….I would barely be breathing.  

As we approached the finish line I was really overwhelmed by emotion….I did I had run (with the exception of having to stop on the trail to go down to single file lines and about 20seconds of walking at the very top of the big hill) I ran the whole thing.  Best part at the finish line were my husband and my kids cheering me on.  My son did say he was wondering where I was because I was almost last (way to kill my running high kid).  I was just so proud of myself.

There have been a lot of times on this journey to healthy where I have set goals and I have failed to meet them.  Most of these goals are based on loosing weight and I never seem to meet them and not meeting goals makes me feel disappointed in myself but also that feeling of why should I even try mentality.  This was a big moment for me.   At a weight I would prefer not to discuss I ran 3.1 miles.  I moved my big ass through the woods, a field, and up a huge hill all while running.  

This race occurred just over a month ago and I took me a while to be able to right about it and get the words right.  I still don't even think I have correctly summed up what setting this goal and achieving it has meant to me.   It make me realize that I am capable of a lot if I am really willing to work for something.   

So I have set another goal for myself.  By this race next year I want my time to be under 40 minutes.  New goal-something other than weight to focus on for an entire year.  Now to set up my game plan.  

I will leave you with my favorite picture from the race…..the reason I ran in the first place-Me and my kids.  Showing them that sometimes it isn't what place you finish….its that you tried your best and you finished!  

So I know this post is about two weeks past due but I honestly needed some time to really put my feelings into words about this race.  For a long time...since the first time I lost weight and got down to what would now be my goal weight (it wasn't then but I was 24 and stupid) I wanted to do a race.  After having kids and gaining back all that weight I felt defeated....most days I still do.  The effort to loose that weight is tremendous and even though I did the Mamavation thing knowing that I have years of hard work in front of me to loose the weight and keep it off is overwhelming.  So when I decided awhile back that I would give loosing weight my best effort (If I am being honest it has been a good effort not best lately) I decided I would also give the whole couch to 5k thing a try.  Once I was chosen I knew I had to complete a 5k (even though virtual) for them at the end of my campaign.  So I stated training and it sucks real bad...and months later it still sucks.  I have tried couch to 5k, then went with the Mamavation plan, and I think I am going back to C25K.  So I decided I was going to work real hard and my goal would be to be able to run an entire race by the Mystic Aquarium 5k in October.  Well back to this race.  When my good friend Sarah (check out her blog here) asked if I would join her for the Go Red for Women race that took place in Elizabeth Park (started by Elizabeth Colt and is has amazing rose gardens in full bloom this time of year) I said yes.  On race day is was hot...I mean really hot.  Over 90 and super humid but I didn't bail.  I committed to doing the best I could and running in my first real race.  Despite the heat it was amazing.  The people who were cheering me on, the course itself through the really nice sections of Hartford and West Hartford, and just the fact that I was there and running as much as I could.  My final time wasn't great, but it was my best time to date.  I can't lie I cried the last 1/4 mile because you know what I was doing it.  I was going to cross a finish line.  200 pound, overweight, unathletic me was going to cross that finish line.  It was huge, it still is!  It makes me realize that if I can do that-and it was hard, I can cross any finish line.  That finish line for me isn't just about running it is about getting healthy.  I have to realize there will be good runs and bad ones (like my most recent run sucked probably because I have been being lazy and not eating as well as I should).  There is always more races to run...there is always a new day to work on getting healthy.  This is a process both the health thing and the running thing.  I am glad to be doing it.   I can't wait for the day when I am able to run the whole thing!  Below are some pictures from my race....I can't wait for another one to show you more!